Sunday, January 12, 2014

*no cheesy title*

(written; 9 January 2014; 12.34am)

this marks the end of third semester. Though I write prematurely but let's not let inspiration slip away again.

"[Though] I might not have pass all my tests but I love literature and all the things it had taught me." - Denise, 9 January 2014
I put this up in Twitter and I love it. So I thought I should put it up somewhere else too.

Third semester had been a hair pulling semester and, believe me, I HAVE lost many strands. Apart from my seemingly thinner mane, this semester has brought me to highs that aspired me more and lows that I could never phantom will befall me. Naive.

This semester showed me the many characters of people and the multiple faces of mine; how rage could be so destructively empowering, killing slowly from the inside and ruining friendships on the outside. it showed me the importance to have faith in God, and the need to decrease the love for self and especially self pride. It showed me how high grades backed up with faith in God proved its strength rather than self pride and effort.

Moreover, this semester taught me more about myself. How my past reality are blurry as if I am unsure if that really happened or is it an imagined reality of mine. I have spent too much time dwelling in my head, an unreliable 1st person narrative, as in Jane Eyre, my account could be extremely biased. most of these are of my childhood. My fights with my sister, how she would always win and be in favour of the parents, however, I might be the bully, always picking up fights. These, I could not firmly put a hold on who's right or wrong; am I always the victim as I perceive or she the victim of my bully? I admit, I was malicious, incredibly mean and full of spite. I have no idea why I was such an angry kid though. I grew up in a providing family, in the company of two other siblings, playing "Denise the Menace" and "Denise in the Middle" (sorry for the terrible referencing, though, it was fun playing those). Of course, I've witnessed family dramas as had been televised in every household, but somehow, compared to my siblings, I was exceptionally scarred. I do not feel them and they do not empathize me. Maybe that's how I ended up choosing a road different from theirs. Guess I could say I'm pretty romantic. Heh.

Anyway, after having deviated to far, my intention, as I aspire to be a writer, someday, to find something great and wonderful enough to speak at a TED event, my intention is to record, a habit used by many: nation leaders, entrepreneurs, great thinkers, writers... This "recording" would serve as a reminder, a motivation, a source of inspiration, materials for future works or even materials for an autobiography, or a biography! This would also be a good practice. 750 words a day, or 3 pages, to practice.

It's 1.26am after a long day with no rest, the voice has changed and I've strayed far from my original motive. Before I end, I, again, would like to re-emphasize that I love literature and what she taught me. This is a start of a beautiful journey and I look forward to pushing on.

Music might have saved my life but,
Literature taught me.

Signing off,
1.31am, 9 January 2014

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